Fathers – Superheroes Sans Capes – Life & Other Thoughts

Kids – they are always ‘Do it from Scratch.’ They are never pre-fabricated, never come with instructions and manuals, and are never easy to figure out. That’s why God provided handlers for them… the clueless, hapless, unfit, unknowing dudes who overnight don the caps of fatherhood, and are lovingly called dad, abba, baba, papa, abbu, and daddy. The pint size babies make a man out of them, and boy do they live up to this huge responsibility!.

Dads are generally very misunderstood. Some consider them just a biological necessity and some just a paycheck, but dads are much more than that. They are motivators, role models, heroes, guides, coaches, and always an inspiration for their kids. And that’s not all. They are also diaper-changers, gecko-killers, water-leak-fixers, apartment movers, check-signers, and last-minute-science-fair-idea-providers. When kids get into the adulting phase, dads are still useful. They provide occasional financial bail-offs, frequent unsolicited advice, and endless dad jokes. They know how to somehow make the unfunny stuff sound funny.

It is not easy being a father. It takes the right blend of toughness and tenderness to be a good dad. Every day they walk this fine line without ever being allowed to stumble and fall. Behind that stoic smile, there is always a gentle heart. Have you ever seen a dad tossing a baby in air and then catching him/her? That’s what dads do. They take calculated risks and they never fail at them. They just can’t. The stakes are huge. They are the brave faces to turn to when kids need encouragement. They are the ‘fixers’ with a solution for every problem. They are the go-to person when kids need their spirits lifted. They are the subject matter experts when kids need advice on the nitty-gritty of anything.

The bond between a dad and a daughter is unquestionably very special, very beautiful, and very indescribable. Daughters make the tough guys tremble and the hard men humble. Daughters turn machos to mush. When daughters are around, dads finally learn that the product in the tube, which to-date they have referred to as ‘that black thing’, is actually called a mascara. When daughters are around, dads buy pepper sprays and Swiss Army knives and lovingly gift it to them, much to their dismay, when they leave for college. When daughters are around, dads teach them, for the nth time, how to jump start a car and how to interpret different warning lights on the dashboard. When daughters are around, dads research about pre-nuptial agreements and background checks. When daughters are around, dads learn to turn to God and ask for His mercy for them always because even their best intentions and measures cannot beat destiny. When daughters are around, dads finally learn the art of figuring out a woman’s heart – which their mothers, sisters, or wives failed to teach them.

And then there are sons. Somehow they just take the body language, and even the language of their dads. No matter how much sons think less of their dads, they secretly aspire to be like them. There is a quote attributed to Mark Twain.

‘When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty one, I was astonished at how much the old man had learnt in seven years.’

For all the dads who think their sons are not appreciative of them, just wait a few years. Let them be fathers themselves and then you will see life coming full circle. Till then, you dads can just get annoyed at the fact that your clean laundry forever ends in your sons’ closets and vice versa.

And what’s an essay without a personal story! So here is a story from last summer. We were invited to a bar-b-q dinner party. My husband was excited to spend time with his friends while enjoying his favorite foods. When we were getting ready, he spotted a snake in the backyard. It was a big snake, reddish brown, coiled right in front of the patio door. There was an immediate panic and sense of urgency. After extensive ‘googling’ and making a few phone calls, he still didn’t know what to do with the snake.

‘Well, I can hack it to pieces with a hatchet? That’s what people suggested on Google.’ he said.

‘No dad, that’s very cruel.’ my son said in disgust.

‘Yeah, I can’t do that. Besides, I don’t own a hatchet. Well! I can perhaps beat it with a stick and make it unconscious. That’s also what people suggested on Google.’ he said.

‘No dad, that’s still very cruel. We can’t kill a living being.’ my son said.

‘That’s true. I don’t know how to get rid of it then. If I just shoo it away, it may disappear in some corner of the backyard but will still be lurking there. We have to remove it from the backyard.’ he said.

‘Why can’t you think of a humane way?’ I chimed.

‘What humane way? You suggest something. I am not a snake charmer. I don’t have the flute they play to hypnotize the snake. Why don’t you quit doing your makeup and focus on the problem?’ he was getting annoyed.

‘Sorry dude. I don’t believe in gender equality when it comes to dealing with critters. All kinds of rodents, amphibians, reptiles, bugs, bizarre creatures, dead or alive, are your sole responsibility.’ I shrugged while applying lipstick.

Eventually he called an animal control guy. He charged two hundred dollars. For two hours, my husband babysat the snake, missed his party, didn’t even leave his spot so as to not lose sight of the snake, and just ate whatever little stuff I handed him as snack while we enjoyed a fabulous evening with friends. A dad has to do what a dad has to do to protect his family.

Happy Fathers Day to all the dads out there. Hopefully, you all are poster dads of modern fatherhood. Hopefully, you have done your fair share of diaper duty and laundry loads. Hopefully, you think being a dad is more about fun and less about rules. Hopefully, you are chips of an old block and now you are becoming an old block yourselves seeing your little munchkins grow up and becoming your spitting image. Enjoy them while you can. Enjoy every stage of fatherhood like it is meant to be. Remember – next station is grand-fatherhood, and that’s when the real fun begins!!